Lets Play "What If"

Let's play the "what if" game. What if the world was ending, would you rather be the first one gone, or never leave the world at all? That question has always been easy for me. I would rather be the first one gone. Living on a world with no one to shar it with, no friends, no family, then you're not really living at all. Friends and family is my life. Like literally, if I had no family or friends I just saw people on the streets and stuff, I would rather be dead. Honest to honest. Over the past few days life has been really tough for me. Somehow on Saturday I just lost it. Don't ask why because I don't honestly know. And I had friends comfort me, and nothing seemed to work. But I decided to suck it up and be a big girl. But that didn't work either. Now I've been recovering each day, running, and putting on a smiling face. It helps, but not entirely. It's the same with my friends. When my friends have a bad day, so do I. It's not something I can really control. It's just been this way since I was little. When I was younger I had a friend who broke her arm. She cried when it happened as most would do, and I sat along and cried with her. It's just who I am. Now most people feel and do the same thing. It's quite common actually. But my friends and family are a part of me, and I feel their pain. I've recently found out that life is hard and that things don't always work out the way they plan. I haven't learned that personally, but through friends. More than one actually. All in the same week I've had dozens of those 'talks' about life and what they really want. Things didn't go well, meltdowns were allowed, and there were tears. Not a happy site. But I love to try and help, to make things better. So I sit and listen, give some opinions and advice, and let it sit and simmer. The situations make me unhappy because they are unhappy. But I've come to a conclusion that it would be so much worse not knowing they were unhappy and finding out later than knowing they were unhappy at the time they are unhappy. Make sense? Most likely it doesn't.
The other thing is my family. It hasn't been good either. They think I burry myself in my room being very unsociable. So I make myself known. Then it's work. My dad's my boss, and its as if his and my relationship is work. Just work. We go out to lunch and he wants to talk about work. At dinner, he brings up work, and even when he's just standing by me he wants to talk about work. I understand I try to bring up other topics on occasion, but I say leave work at work. It's only fair. I complain way to much I've decided. Here I am ranting on my blog. Thank goodness no one reads anyway. Life has just been tough. Summer doesn't seem fun to me anymore, I wanna go back to school, I wanna learn, feel like I'm doing something worthy in my life. One more year, just one more year and my life gets so much harder. No one warns you, no one. Senioritis has been put on hold, for now. But I'm sure it will be back. Because I know as hard as I hear it is, it is so rewarding. You finally can become you, not some steryotyped thing high school wants you to be. So for those two friends who I've talked to this past week about everything: you are the best. You open my eyes to something new everyday and I would still be the naive immature little girl without you guys. haha Love ya bloggers!